You have worth today

No matter how you feel about family and about holidays, you have worth today. If you are full of sadness or grief, it is also full of the worth that is you. This is true today, no matter what. You have worth and you are welcome here. This post is two brief letters. The first is for those who are 15698252_1800713106857522_7345210611381440102_nare struggling today. The second is to those who love the holidays and offers  tools to reduce the alienation that can be caused by the expectation that all are celebrating in this moment. 

Dear everyone who is struggling, 

You are not doing anothing wrong. I don’t celebrate xmas, not in the religious or the secular way. If you  don’t celebrate xmas either, for whatever reason, remember that this is fine. It’s not a sign that you failed to mature  or heal in the ‘right’ way or anything else. You don’t have to reframe it or work through it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to like carols. You don’t have to like xmas lights. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can like other things, I promise. 

Love, Anika

Dear everyone who is having a good time at this time of year,

Please remember that not everyone is sharing your good time and can be further alienated if folks assume they are or should be celebrating. Here are a 2 things you can do to not add to people’s alienation:

1. Know that some people’s family’s are horrifying. If you want to post something nice about family, please post it about your family rather that posting a meme about what families are. 
2. Acknowledge that some folks are having a crap time. Rather than trying to help them work through it and celebrate, just watch a movie together or go for a bike ride or eat some potato chips or something.

Folks might be grieving, feeling left out, not giving a shit, or having flashbacks. Let’s make room for people to be where are how they actually are and not have to pretend to make things comfortable for folks who are having a good time.


To all of us, let’s strive to make spaces for us to fan the bonfires with love and rage until is burns through the lies and honours how we have survived, and survived together.